Fear and Loathing for Liver and Onions

August 13, 2010 at 8:47 am 4 comments

Who likes liver and onions?  Not this gal.  Even penning the words causes a gag reflex.  And, at the risk of offending, I might even admit to being something of a food fascist in this way, seeing liver lovers as an outgrowth of an evolutionary branch that reached a dead end long ago.  Because, truthfully, I know of no one under age sixty-five who admits to liking this stuff.

In my view, where you stand in the liver-and-onions line-up goes far beyond a mundane Stones-versus-Beatles type of debate.   For instance, I can appreciate why someone might prefer mayonnaise on French fries, or mustard and ketchup on a hamburger.  I can sit shoulder-to-shoulder with those who sprinkle salt and pepper on cantaloupe (try it; you’ll like it).  And I fairly tolerate seeing sardines piled high on a soda cracker, utterly repugnant as it is.

But, back to my theory of evolution, I find Leakey’s Liver and Onions Man physiologically different than the rest of us in his ability to chew, swallow, keep down and digest something I simply cannot.

Alas and alack, my mom, Peg Bracken, also happened to love liver with onions, and tried—as I’m sure many readers’ parents did—serving it up and singing its praises.  (Good luck, Ma’!)

How many creative ploys did I hatch to avoid forcing those potty-tasting pieces down my throat?  Let me count the ways.  (And see how many of these you’ve tried yourself.)

  • Sandwiching them between you and the chair seat
  • Burying them in mashed potatoes
  • Faking a fainting spell
  • Making dinner table declamations with sweeping gestures that plop them into your dog’s waiting mouth
  • My personal specialty:  making mom pay by choking them down and waiting for the whole mess to come right back up again

Many IHTCB fans are my age and older.   And I’d be very interested in seeing where they stand on this issue.  But a word of warning:  send me no recipes; and I’ll tell you no lies.


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4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Anna  |  August 19, 2010 at 11:36 am

    We could’ve tag-teamed on that last method.

  • 2. LondonBoy  |  September 3, 2010 at 12:06 pm

    I suspect I’m a (very little) younger than you, but I have to say that I love liver. Onions I can live without, but there’s very little nicer for a Tuesday lunch than fried liver and mashed potato (well, that’s the day we used to have liver when I was growing up).

    I love chicken-liver pate, too. 🙂

    • 3. johannabracken  |  September 8, 2010 at 7:14 am

      You and my father-in-law would get along quite well. Thank you for writing!

  • 4. Sandy King Abernathy  |  September 16, 2010 at 1:38 pm

    Oh, and don’t forget the “wad it up in the napkin” trick, and then place the mountain of napkin under a plate so that the plate is at a 80 degree angle! 🙂


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